:.
Hopefully the events below to make us learn to be grateful for what we have:
I hate it, that's what always whisper in my heart for most of our time together. Though married, I never really gave my heart to him. Married parents under compulsion, make me hate my own husband.
Although forced marriage, I never showed hatred attitude. Though hated it, every day I serve him as wife the task. I had to do it all because I had no other grip. Several times the urge to leave but I do not have the financial capability and support for anyone. Both my parents were very fond of my husband because according to them, my husband is a figure of perfect husband for their only daughter.
When married, I became a wife who is very spoiled. I did everything as I please. My husband also indulged in such a way. I never really had my duties as a wife. I always depend on him because I thought it was supposed to be after what he did to me. I have given my life to him so that made me happy with his duty to obey all my wishes.
In our house, I'm the queen. No one dared to resist. If there is the slightest problem, I always blame my husband. I do not like a wet towel placed on the bed, I hate to see it put the spoon stirring the rest of the milk on the table and it left a sticky, I hate when he uses my computer even if only to finish the job. I was angry when he hung his clothes in kapstock my shirt, I was also angry when he wore a toothpaste without squeezing it neatly, I was angry when he contacted me through many times when I'm having fun with my friends.
At first I chose to not have children. Although it does not work, but I do not want to take care of the child. Initially he and I will support the family planning with the pill. But apparently he hid his desire so deep that one day I forgot to take birth control pills and even though he knew he had let it. I also pregnant and realized after more than four months, dokterpun reject abortion.That's the greatest anger him. Anger grew when I became pregnant and had a pair of twins had a difficult birth. I forced him to act a vasectomy so I'm not pregnant anymore. Dutifully, he did all my wishes because I threatened to leave with our two children.
Time passed until the children do not feel repetitive to-eight years. Like the previous morning, I woke up last. Her husband and children were waiting for me at the dinner table. As usual, it was he who provides breakfast and drive the kids to school. That day, he reminded that the day was the anniversary of my mother. I just replied with a nod without regard to the words that remind the events the previous year, when I choose to go to the mall and was not present at the mother.
Well, because they feel trapped by my marriage, I also hate my parents.
Prior to the office, usually my husband just kissed me and followed the children. But that day, he also hugged me so the kids tease him noisily. I tried to dodge and let go of her arms. Although finally smile with the children. He returned several times to kiss at the door, as if the weight to go.
When they leave, I will decide to go to the salon. Spend the time to salon is my hobby. I arrived at the salon langgananku few hours later. In the salon I met one of my friends as well as those who did not like. We chat with each other engrossed including exhibiting our activities. It was time I had to pay the bills salon, but how shocked I was when I realized that my wallet left behind at home. Although the deepest reach into my bag until I could not find it in the bag. Trying to remember what happened until I could not find my wallet I called my husband and ask.
"Sorry dear, Farhan yesterday asking pocket money and I do not have small money it took from your wallet. I forgot to put it back into your bag, if not one I put on my desk. "Said explained gently.
Angrily, I scolded her harshly. I hung up without waiting for finish. Shortly thereafter, handphoneku resumes and although still upset, I will lift it with half snaps. "What else?"
"Honey, I'm home now, I'll grab his wallet and drove him to you. Unfortunately now there is where? "Asked my husband quickly, afraid I hung up again. I mention the name of my salon and without waiting for the answer again, I re-hung. I spoke with the cashier and said that my husband would come to pay my bill. The owner of the salon that my friend had in fact let me go and said I could pay for it later when I come back again. But the shame of the "enemy" also come to hear me out of my wallet makes me proud to owe first.
Rain fell when I look out and hope the car until my husband soon. Minutes stretched into hours, I was getting impatient so started calling my husband's cell phone. There was no response despite repeated call. Though usually only two times my phone rings already lifted. I began to feel uncomfortable and angry.
My phone was appointed after several attempts. When sound bentakanku yet again come out, a strange voice answered the phone my husband. I was silent for a moment before the sound stranger introduced himself, "Good day, mother. Is the mother the wife of the father armandi? "I answer that question soon. Stranger turned out to be a cop, he was told that my husband had an accident and he is currently taken to the police hospital. At that moment I was silent and only answer thank you. When the phone is closed, I crouched in puzzlement. My hands clutched the phone in my hands and some salon employees approached me with alacrity asked what was wrong until my face turned pale white as paper.
Somehow I ended up in hospital. Somehow also knew the whole family was there to catch up. I'm just waiting for my husband's silence in front of the emergency room. I do not know what to do because all this was he who did everything for me. When finally after waiting several hours, just when the maghrib prayer echoes sounded a doctor came out and delivered the news. My husband is gone. He went not because of the accident itself, stroke was the cause of his death.
Done heard that fact, I even busy parents and parents reinforce the shock. There was absolutely no drop of tears on my eyes out. I was busy calming the mother and father-in-law. Children who are hit with a tight hug but their grief was not able to make me cry.
When the corpse was brought into the house and I sat in front of him, I stared face. I realize this is the only time I really looked at his face that seemed fast asleep. I approached her face and looked at it carefully. That's when my chest becomes congested remembered what he'd given me for ten years together. I touched his face gently that has been cold and I realize this is the first time I touched her face, which had always decorated with a warm smile. Tears erupted in my eye, blurring my vision. I gasped trying to wipe the tears did not hinder my last look at him, I want to remember all the sweet memories of his face so that my husband could not have ended there.
But instead of stopping, the torrential tears flooded down my cheeks. Warnings from mosque imams who are not able to arrange the funeral procession made me stop crying. I tried not to, but my chest tightness remember what I did to him last time we talked.
I remembered how I never pay attention to his health. I almost never set meal. Though he always manage what I eat. He noticed vitamins and medications should kukonsumsi especially when pregnant and after childbirth. He never missed eating regularly reminded, sometimes even fed me when I'm lazy to eat. I never knew what he was eating because I never asked. Even I do not know what he likes and dislikes. Almost the entire family knows that my husband is a fan of instant noodles and strong coffee. My chest tightened to hear it, because I know he may be forced to eat instant noodles because I hardly ever cook for him. I'm just cooking for the kids and myself. I do not care she had eaten or not when I go home. He can eat my cooking only when left. And he came home late at night every day because of the office is quite far from home. I never want to respond to his request to move closer to his office for not far from where my friends live.
At the funeral, I could not stop myself. I fainted when I saw his body is lost along the stockpiled soil piles. I do not know anything until waking up in my big bed. I awoke with a sense of regret fulfilling my chest cavity. My extended family in vain to persuade me because they never knew why I was so hurt to lose him.
I spent the days after his departure is not freedom as long as it wanted, but instead I was trapped in the desire to be with him. In the early days of departure, I sat stunned staring at an empty plate. Father, mother and mother-in-law talked me into eating. But what I remember was when my husband talked me into eating when I'm mengambek first. When I forget to bring a towel in the shower, I yelled to call as usual and when even my mother who came, I crouched down crying in the bathroom hope he comes. Habit to call him any time I can not do something at home, making his friend answered the phone confusion. Every night I waited in the bedroom and expect the next morning I woke up next to her figure.
I was so annoyed when his snoring sleep hear sound, but now I even woke up often longed to hear again. I was upset because he was often a mess in our bedroom, but now I feel our bedroom was empty and hollow. I was so upset when it does the job and left it on my laptop without me log out, now I'm staring at a computer, the keys rubbed his fingers hoping the former is still left there. I used to like it at least to make coffee without placemats on the table, now the scar is left at breakfast terakhirnyapun not want to erase. Typical television remote hiding, is now easily found, though I wish I could replace the loss by losing the remote. All the stupidity that I did because I realized that he loved me and I was hit by an arrow of love.
I'm also angry at myself, I was angry that all seem normal even though he was not there. I was angry because her clothes are still there to leave the smell that made me nostalgic. I am angry because they can not stop all my sorrow. I am angry because nobody else is persuaded me to calm down, nothing that reminds me pray even now I do with sincerity. I pray because I want to apologize, to apologize to God for wasting husband was awarded to me, asking forgiveness for being a bad wife to her husband who was so perfect. Sholatlah are able to remove my grief a little. Love God showed to me with so much attention from the family for me and the kids. My friends who had been defending Stand up, almost never show their noses after the departure of my husband.
Forty days after his death, the family reminded me to rise from adversity. There were two children waiting for me and should I live. Back a sense of confusion came over me. During this time I knew something wrong and never work. All done my husband. How much income I've never cared, I cared about only the amount of dollars which he transfers into my account for personal use and wear for every month the money is almost never left. From the office where he works, I get the final salary and bonus compensation. I was speechless when he saw it did not expect, it turns out the entire salary is transferred into my account so far. Though I had never the slightest use for household purposes. Either from where he obtained the money to meet other household needs because I never even asked about itu.Yang I know now I have to work or my children would not be able to live because of the number of final salary and bonus compensation would not be enough to feed three of us. But work it in? I almost never have any experience at all. Everything is always governed by him.
Bewilderment missed some time later. My father came with a notary. He brings a lot of documents. Then give a letter notarized. Husband's affidavit that he bequeathed his entire estate to me and the kids, he accompanied his mother in the letter but that made me unable to say anything is the letter for me.
I wept reading the letter, there is a cartoon with glasses that are typical of the tongue stuck out my husband if he sent the note.
Notary told that during this time my husband has some insurance and savings deposits from the legacy of his biological father. My husband made some effort from the results of such savings deposits and the business was quite successful despite dimanajerin by those beliefs. I can only cry knowing how much he loved us, so that when death came to him he still flooded us with love.
I never thought to marry again. The number of men who attended was able to remove the figure is still so alive in my heart. Day after day just kuabdikan for my children. When my parents and my in-laws went one by one leaving selaman ever, none left the sadness deep sadness when my husband left.
Now my daughter's two sons aged twenty-three years. In two days my daughter married a boy from across the land. Our daughter asked, "Mom, I'm going to do it later after becoming a wife, Farah because it can cook ga, ga nyuci, how ya lady?"
I hugged her saying "Love love, love your husband, love your choice of your heart, love what he has and you will get everything. For love, you will learn to please him, will learn to accept his shortcomings, will learn that for any problem, you will finish it in the name of love. "
My daughter looked at me, "like a mother's love for the father? Love is that what makes the mother remained loyal to the father until now? "I shook my head, "no, my dear. Love your husband like a father loves my mother used, like a father loves you both. Loyal to the father because the mother's father's love is so great in the mother and both of you. "
I may not have time lucky for not showing my love for my husband. I spent ten years to hate him, but spent most of the rest of my life for love. I'm free of him because of death, but I could never free from the love that is so sincere.
I hate it, that's what always whisper in my heart for most of our time together. Though married, I never really gave my heart to him. Married parents under compulsion, make me hate my own husband.
Although forced marriage, I never showed hatred attitude. Though hated it, every day I serve him as wife the task. I had to do it all because I had no other grip. Several times the urge to leave but I do not have the financial capability and support for anyone. Both my parents were very fond of my husband because according to them, my husband is a figure of perfect husband for their only daughter.
When married, I became a wife who is very spoiled. I did everything as I please. My husband also indulged in such a way. I never really had my duties as a wife. I always depend on him because I thought it was supposed to be after what he did to me. I have given my life to him so that made me happy with his duty to obey all my wishes.
In our house, I'm the queen. No one dared to resist. If there is the slightest problem, I always blame my husband. I do not like a wet towel placed on the bed, I hate to see it put the spoon stirring the rest of the milk on the table and it left a sticky, I hate when he uses my computer even if only to finish the job. I was angry when he hung his clothes in kapstock my shirt, I was also angry when he wore a toothpaste without squeezing it neatly, I was angry when he contacted me through many times when I'm having fun with my friends.
At first I chose to not have children. Although it does not work, but I do not want to take care of the child. Initially he and I will support the family planning with the pill. But apparently he hid his desire so deep that one day I forgot to take birth control pills and even though he knew he had let it. I also pregnant and realized after more than four months, dokterpun reject abortion.That's the greatest anger him. Anger grew when I became pregnant and had a pair of twins had a difficult birth. I forced him to act a vasectomy so I'm not pregnant anymore. Dutifully, he did all my wishes because I threatened to leave with our two children.
Time passed until the children do not feel repetitive to-eight years. Like the previous morning, I woke up last. Her husband and children were waiting for me at the dinner table. As usual, it was he who provides breakfast and drive the kids to school. That day, he reminded that the day was the anniversary of my mother. I just replied with a nod without regard to the words that remind the events the previous year, when I choose to go to the mall and was not present at the mother.
Well, because they feel trapped by my marriage, I also hate my parents.
Prior to the office, usually my husband just kissed me and followed the children. But that day, he also hugged me so the kids tease him noisily. I tried to dodge and let go of her arms. Although finally smile with the children. He returned several times to kiss at the door, as if the weight to go.
When they leave, I will decide to go to the salon. Spend the time to salon is my hobby. I arrived at the salon langgananku few hours later. In the salon I met one of my friends as well as those who did not like. We chat with each other engrossed including exhibiting our activities. It was time I had to pay the bills salon, but how shocked I was when I realized that my wallet left behind at home. Although the deepest reach into my bag until I could not find it in the bag. Trying to remember what happened until I could not find my wallet I called my husband and ask.
"Sorry dear, Farhan yesterday asking pocket money and I do not have small money it took from your wallet. I forgot to put it back into your bag, if not one I put on my desk. "Said explained gently.
Angrily, I scolded her harshly. I hung up without waiting for finish. Shortly thereafter, handphoneku resumes and although still upset, I will lift it with half snaps. "What else?"
"Honey, I'm home now, I'll grab his wallet and drove him to you. Unfortunately now there is where? "Asked my husband quickly, afraid I hung up again. I mention the name of my salon and without waiting for the answer again, I re-hung. I spoke with the cashier and said that my husband would come to pay my bill. The owner of the salon that my friend had in fact let me go and said I could pay for it later when I come back again. But the shame of the "enemy" also come to hear me out of my wallet makes me proud to owe first.
Rain fell when I look out and hope the car until my husband soon. Minutes stretched into hours, I was getting impatient so started calling my husband's cell phone. There was no response despite repeated call. Though usually only two times my phone rings already lifted. I began to feel uncomfortable and angry.
My phone was appointed after several attempts. When sound bentakanku yet again come out, a strange voice answered the phone my husband. I was silent for a moment before the sound stranger introduced himself, "Good day, mother. Is the mother the wife of the father armandi? "I answer that question soon. Stranger turned out to be a cop, he was told that my husband had an accident and he is currently taken to the police hospital. At that moment I was silent and only answer thank you. When the phone is closed, I crouched in puzzlement. My hands clutched the phone in my hands and some salon employees approached me with alacrity asked what was wrong until my face turned pale white as paper.
Somehow I ended up in hospital. Somehow also knew the whole family was there to catch up. I'm just waiting for my husband's silence in front of the emergency room. I do not know what to do because all this was he who did everything for me. When finally after waiting several hours, just when the maghrib prayer echoes sounded a doctor came out and delivered the news. My husband is gone. He went not because of the accident itself, stroke was the cause of his death.
Done heard that fact, I even busy parents and parents reinforce the shock. There was absolutely no drop of tears on my eyes out. I was busy calming the mother and father-in-law. Children who are hit with a tight hug but their grief was not able to make me cry.
When the corpse was brought into the house and I sat in front of him, I stared face. I realize this is the only time I really looked at his face that seemed fast asleep. I approached her face and looked at it carefully. That's when my chest becomes congested remembered what he'd given me for ten years together. I touched his face gently that has been cold and I realize this is the first time I touched her face, which had always decorated with a warm smile. Tears erupted in my eye, blurring my vision. I gasped trying to wipe the tears did not hinder my last look at him, I want to remember all the sweet memories of his face so that my husband could not have ended there.
But instead of stopping, the torrential tears flooded down my cheeks. Warnings from mosque imams who are not able to arrange the funeral procession made me stop crying. I tried not to, but my chest tightness remember what I did to him last time we talked.
I remembered how I never pay attention to his health. I almost never set meal. Though he always manage what I eat. He noticed vitamins and medications should kukonsumsi especially when pregnant and after childbirth. He never missed eating regularly reminded, sometimes even fed me when I'm lazy to eat. I never knew what he was eating because I never asked. Even I do not know what he likes and dislikes. Almost the entire family knows that my husband is a fan of instant noodles and strong coffee. My chest tightened to hear it, because I know he may be forced to eat instant noodles because I hardly ever cook for him. I'm just cooking for the kids and myself. I do not care she had eaten or not when I go home. He can eat my cooking only when left. And he came home late at night every day because of the office is quite far from home. I never want to respond to his request to move closer to his office for not far from where my friends live.
At the funeral, I could not stop myself. I fainted when I saw his body is lost along the stockpiled soil piles. I do not know anything until waking up in my big bed. I awoke with a sense of regret fulfilling my chest cavity. My extended family in vain to persuade me because they never knew why I was so hurt to lose him.
I spent the days after his departure is not freedom as long as it wanted, but instead I was trapped in the desire to be with him. In the early days of departure, I sat stunned staring at an empty plate. Father, mother and mother-in-law talked me into eating. But what I remember was when my husband talked me into eating when I'm mengambek first. When I forget to bring a towel in the shower, I yelled to call as usual and when even my mother who came, I crouched down crying in the bathroom hope he comes. Habit to call him any time I can not do something at home, making his friend answered the phone confusion. Every night I waited in the bedroom and expect the next morning I woke up next to her figure.
I was so annoyed when his snoring sleep hear sound, but now I even woke up often longed to hear again. I was upset because he was often a mess in our bedroom, but now I feel our bedroom was empty and hollow. I was so upset when it does the job and left it on my laptop without me log out, now I'm staring at a computer, the keys rubbed his fingers hoping the former is still left there. I used to like it at least to make coffee without placemats on the table, now the scar is left at breakfast terakhirnyapun not want to erase. Typical television remote hiding, is now easily found, though I wish I could replace the loss by losing the remote. All the stupidity that I did because I realized that he loved me and I was hit by an arrow of love.
I'm also angry at myself, I was angry that all seem normal even though he was not there. I was angry because her clothes are still there to leave the smell that made me nostalgic. I am angry because they can not stop all my sorrow. I am angry because nobody else is persuaded me to calm down, nothing that reminds me pray even now I do with sincerity. I pray because I want to apologize, to apologize to God for wasting husband was awarded to me, asking forgiveness for being a bad wife to her husband who was so perfect. Sholatlah are able to remove my grief a little. Love God showed to me with so much attention from the family for me and the kids. My friends who had been defending Stand up, almost never show their noses after the departure of my husband.
Forty days after his death, the family reminded me to rise from adversity. There were two children waiting for me and should I live. Back a sense of confusion came over me. During this time I knew something wrong and never work. All done my husband. How much income I've never cared, I cared about only the amount of dollars which he transfers into my account for personal use and wear for every month the money is almost never left. From the office where he works, I get the final salary and bonus compensation. I was speechless when he saw it did not expect, it turns out the entire salary is transferred into my account so far. Though I had never the slightest use for household purposes. Either from where he obtained the money to meet other household needs because I never even asked about itu.Yang I know now I have to work or my children would not be able to live because of the number of final salary and bonus compensation would not be enough to feed three of us. But work it in? I almost never have any experience at all. Everything is always governed by him.
Bewilderment missed some time later. My father came with a notary. He brings a lot of documents. Then give a letter notarized. Husband's affidavit that he bequeathed his entire estate to me and the kids, he accompanied his mother in the letter but that made me unable to say anything is the letter for me.
My wife Liliana dear,
Sorry to have to leave first, dear. sorry to make you responsible for taking care of everything yourself. I'm sorry because I can not give you the love and affection again. God gave me the time is too short for love and children is the best thing I ever did for you.
If I could, I wanted to accompany love forever. But I do not want you to lose my love for granted. I've been saving little by little to the life you guys later. I do not want to love hard after I am gone. There's not much but I hope I can give love to use it to raise and educate children. Do your best for them, yes dear.
Do not cry, my love is spoiled. Do a lot of things to make your life wasted all this time. I give you the freedom to realize the dreams that you do not have time for this. Forgive me if I trouble you and may God give you a better mate than me.
For Farah, my beloved daughter. Sorry because my father could not be there with you. Be a good wife like you and Farhan, knight protector. Take care of mother and Farah. Do not be a naughty boy again and always remember wherever you are, my father would see him there. Okay, Buddy!
I wept reading the letter, there is a cartoon with glasses that are typical of the tongue stuck out my husband if he sent the note.
Notary told that during this time my husband has some insurance and savings deposits from the legacy of his biological father. My husband made some effort from the results of such savings deposits and the business was quite successful despite dimanajerin by those beliefs. I can only cry knowing how much he loved us, so that when death came to him he still flooded us with love.
I never thought to marry again. The number of men who attended was able to remove the figure is still so alive in my heart. Day after day just kuabdikan for my children. When my parents and my in-laws went one by one leaving selaman ever, none left the sadness deep sadness when my husband left.
Now my daughter's two sons aged twenty-three years. In two days my daughter married a boy from across the land. Our daughter asked, "Mom, I'm going to do it later after becoming a wife, Farah because it can cook ga, ga nyuci, how ya lady?"
I hugged her saying "Love love, love your husband, love your choice of your heart, love what he has and you will get everything. For love, you will learn to please him, will learn to accept his shortcomings, will learn that for any problem, you will finish it in the name of love. "
My daughter looked at me, "like a mother's love for the father? Love is that what makes the mother remained loyal to the father until now? "I shook my head, "no, my dear. Love your husband like a father loves my mother used, like a father loves you both. Loyal to the father because the mother's father's love is so great in the mother and both of you. "
I may not have time lucky for not showing my love for my husband. I spent ten years to hate him, but spent most of the rest of my life for love. I'm free of him because of death, but I could never free from the love that is so sincere.
translated from original post
http://www.pks-diy.com/2011/10/aku-terpaksa-menikahinya.html?m=1
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